How do I decide what type action and or consequence is the next step… by the ability of the child to make a choice.     If a child can make choices then s/he can also be held accountable for the choices they make.    This may start with compliance to redirection.   How do you know when the child is ready for a choice..   When they scramble to avoid a the options or consequence  with some type of reaction,  distraction, drama and or other response.  It could look like:  fits, anger, tears, sadness, verbal discussion, shift of blame or focus.  Ultimately the child wants to back the parent down.   You say… You can either do this or that,  these of the choices.    Usually two choices are enough.  Older kids can offer other choices only with the right attitude.